If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
