I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
