so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
