I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
