this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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