It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
