turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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