HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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