It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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