Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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