i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
