TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
