How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
