Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
