Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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