hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my being single is dangerous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
