he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
