YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
