shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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