Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
