if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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