So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
