I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
