I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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