we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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