I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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