Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
