Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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