I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
