Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
