don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
