What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
