my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
