Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
