Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
