you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
