Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
