My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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