the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
