last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
