do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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