i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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