she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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