Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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