Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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