"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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