i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize