how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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