It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
BRING THE BAGELS
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
