it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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