just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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