When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
