Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
