The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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