So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
