When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
