Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
