you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
