At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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