I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
