my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
