direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
