It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
