I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
