so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
