did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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