It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
