I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
