GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
