Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
