Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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