She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
