I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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