If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
