Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
