One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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