Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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