we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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