I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
