well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
