I'm really into asian looking animals
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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