Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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