If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
